Olberman's Big Stars; Osama's Bin Wankin; Border States Not Happy With The President; What Did Osama Say About Biden?; "Jersey Shore" Cast Called "Super Buffoons" by the Italians

Have you seen these Republican presidential candidates? The only one that hasn't had three wives is Mitt Romney--and he's a Mormon! (Leno)

• Well, Herr Keith Olberman finally signed some pundits to his new lineup on Current TV. All 5 viewers will be thrilled. They include some of the following: Michael Moore (now he's going to bring in huge numbers); Markos Moulitsas (who? You ask. Founder of the Daily Cos, the web site where all progressives who get day passes from the local mental health clinic come to visit) and Richard Lewis, the comedian. Wow! I can see those ratings jump about a 1/2 a percentage point.
• In addition to the administration letting our enemy know everything we've retrieved from bin-Laden's home, they also reported that Osama had a large stash of porn. The NY media had a field day with describing the porn. NY Post's headline today: "Osama Bin Wankin." And some of the porn they found included: "No Fatwa Chicks," "Talibuns," "Behind the Green Burqa," and "Debbie Does Abbottabad." (NY Post)
• I have one idea on how to get rid of many of these terrorists. Why don't we just offer them a chance at "pre-death organ donations." The DMV should consider this idea.
• Back to the rapper/poet Common. I have a question for the White House. Of all the poets in America, did you have to choose this guy?
• As you probably heard by now, the NYPD busted two more guys who were planning some terrorist hits in the city. I don't need to tell you their names. You know what they are. That makes about 13 threats against NYC in the last 10 years--that we've been told about.
• I went to the VA for a medical checkup yesterday. They had a sign up at the clinic of how many medical appointments were missed in this last quarter. Check this out: 22,600!
• Last week, the President went to Texas to give his immigration campaign speech. He made some jokes that didn't sit well with many of the people who live on the border states, ie. Maybe they'll need a moat. Maybe they want alligators in the moat," were just some of what he said. Jeff Gee, one of the guys organizing firefighters who are fighting a fire started by illegal immigrants, said, "I'm really disappointed at the president's speech. It not just a border issue, the drugs and crime are moving through the corridor.." (Fox News).
• By the way, two more border patrol agents were killed last week in Arizona chasing some illegals. The agents were hit by a train at a train crossing.
• In one of bin-Laden's diaries, he wrote his minions shouldn't bother to attack the vice president because he's "not important." How did Osama know many of us feel the same way?
• Headline in a local newsstand in Florence, Italy, where the cast of "Jersey Shore" plan on filming: "The Super Buffoons Arrive."
• Headline in the Onion this week: "Obama Makes It Through Another Day of Resisting Urge To Launch All U.S. Nuclear Weapons At Once." They point out that last Tuesday marked the 841st straight day Obama has withstood the button's powerful allure. They also reported that right before Nixon resigned, he pushed the nuke button 12 times but the Pentagon had already disengaged it.